Results

Well...it's now Thursday, May 15, and I lost the election. 48 hours ago at this time, before the polls closed, I still expected to win. Now, I always, always said AND MEANT that I considered my opponent to be tough and I acknowledged that she could win and I would not be shocked if she did, so I'm not shocked. However, I maintained cautious optimism and really thought I would win in a close election. So let's just say unpleasantly surprised...

This is a grieving process to be sure. It seems so odd. I still have a job till the end of the year, or for about 7 more months. But then...I don't know.

I have absolutely loved this job. It doesn't mean that it hasn't had its days! But I was so thrilled to be appointed in 1995, and then when the position changed to Family Court Judge and elected, I was so pleased no one ran against me the first time.

In late November - two days after my birthday - when it first seemed like I was going to have competition - that was a difficult time. I had trouble sleeping, but got it under control, and then there was Christmas and its busyness, and then there was the wait till Jan. 14, the first day candidates officially could register. Frankly, I was hoping and praying that no one would register against me, but when that prayer was answered "no," we went into high gear.

I found out today what my opponent is said to have spent over on the campaign. I spent about $20,000.00 and frankly, would not have spent more than that. Her expenditures were significantly higher. My loss is not all about the money - another candidate for another position well outspent his incumbent opponent and the incumbent won that race handily. But no doubt, it had an impact.

Everyone tells me that the Family Court position is a tough one to be re-elected to because of the unhappiness that at least 50% of the people have with the process when they leave the Court. Of course, most of the time that means disagreement with my rulings, which often are dictated by the law without my opportunity to exercise much discretion. I don't mean to whine or sound like I'm "justifying" anything - but just to state the fact. The flip side of that is, when people are happy with me, it's often my application of the law in the same way, without much discretion. But, people tend to act on things they are unhappy about, not things they're pleased with.

I have so much I could say, so much I have thought and am thinking. But, many of these things are better left unsaid and will remain that way.

I hope this doesn't sound bitter. I'm not bitter. What I am, again, is grieving. And I need to grieve. I'm losing something that's been very precious to me - a job I love, and one where I've had an opportunity to help families. A staff that has been like family to me. And working in the Harrison County Court House, where I dreamed of working as a boy. I'm going to cherish the next seven months and yes, I am looking forward to seeing what door God will open for me for the next chaper of my life.

I'm worried about providing for my family, finding a job I like, benefits, the works. Will we have to move? How will that affect my youngest son, who will start middle school this fall? What about my wife's counseling practice? In my life, I've never been fond of change, but it's something that comes whether we like it or not. And of course, in hindsight, I can see many times when I've perceived occurrences in my life as "bad" which turned out to be very good. God works that way and I'm thankful!

Not all the news is bleak - although I can't share them here, there have been good things come out of the election. When I read this later - if it's much later - I probably won't remember what I'm talking about since I feel I can't be specific here! But I remain, in my basic nature, an optimist, and there have been a couple silver linings already. And I'll be looking for more.

I cried today. I knew I would sooner or later. Earlier in this blog, I shared that I'd cried while talking to my parents at their gravesite a month or so ago. I sure am missing them again today, but mostly I cried over the impending loss of my other family - my staff.

I am grateful that I have a supportive wife and kids and that we're all healthy and happy and that while my job is a big, big part of my life and my family's life, we'll move beyond this and don't have those even bigger life issues (health, etc.) to deal with right now. I certainly am prayerful that God keeps us all healthy and together for a long, long time to come.

Thank you for reading and being interested. This blog was created by me to record my feelings during the election process, and I don't know how much longer I'll maintain it. But I won't close it out just yet - maybe I'll try to "name names" and list all the people who have been so supportive and helpful. There've been so many - and these past couple of days, so many calls and e-mails of support and prayers.

This is overwhelming on so many levels.